Does being “Hard on Yourself” help you realize your goals? Or does it make you a victim?
“No one is as hard on me as I am.”
Has this thought (or one like it) ever crossed your mind? Has it made it past your lips? How does being “hard on yourself” help you on your path to success?
We say it like it’s a badge of honor, like some kind of tough-love trophy. But is being “hard” on ourselves really effective? Does being hard on yourself always bring you the results you were hoping for? Does it build you up or tear you down? Why do we say it in the first place? Who are we trying to impress?
No one would argue that putting a little pressure on themselves, to meet a commitment, is a bad thing. “Heck, if I didn’t give myself a deadline and a sense of urgency, nothing would ever get done around here”. But the results of being hard on ourselves can infect us with transferrable diseases that wind up in the basic structure of our self-concept. From there, they have access to the superhighway of the mind and can manifest themselves into any situation no matter how important or insignificant we think it may be.
You know by now that we’re not talking about being hard on ourselves by accepting deadlines or making good on our commitments. We need these things to help us prioritize our tasks and duties and keep our integrity intact. No, what we’re talking about here is all the unwarranted stress, mental anguish and unflattering assessments we subject ourselves to through the abstraction called the BullySelf. We do it constantly, throughout the execution of our duties, many times continuing after the tasks have been completed.
Embrace thoughts that will rekindle your passion and boost the recollection of your achievements.
We tend to second guess ourselves into oblivion. “Did I get it right” “I probably held things up” “I hope it was the right color” “I should have started sooner” “Next time I’ll do this…” “I wish I had done that…” “I should’ve done this” “I should’ve done that”… we end up “shoulding” all over ourselves! And the worry goes on and on.
All of the worries and misplaced anxieties etch out tiny craters in the fabric of our psyche. These pockets of ill thinking and self-abuse fill up with the anguish of our punishing thoughts. These thoughts fester into poisons that fuel the attitudes and anecdotes of the BullySelf. This is one of the many places the BullySelf can go to refuel for another demeaning tirade.
This is a brutal, punishing cycle… Bullying, by the BullySelf… We need to remember that it’s all “BS!” These rogue brain waves are dastardly habits of thought and they are very damaging.
Remind yourself that this is not how you should be treated. Embrace thoughts that will rekindle your passion and boost the recollection of your achievements.
Here, we want to point out and observe that the thoughts and feelings conjured by the BullySelf ALWAYS make us feel inadequate and inferior …even after we have successfully met our commitments or completed the objective!! Unless we take steps to neutralize their destructive influences, they will impede our progress! These habitual thoughts and feelings are wrong and they are truly, “BS!”
Many times, when we try new things, failure and setbacks besiege us. These obstacles don’t come because we are too stupid, too fat, or too …(insert your own, inappropriate, <BS> here). We just haven’t built up the muscle memory and/or effective habits that give us proficient and flawless performance.
It’s one thing to push yourself in order to complete a task, set a record or achieve a personal-best. It is another thing to treat yourself harshly when you think you have failed or feel you aren’t “good enough” to make an attempt.
You don’t get extra points for being harder on yourself!
When your thoughts focus on miserable failures of the past, you start down a path of resistance and friction. When you meet resistance and friction, words and phrases in your mind determine whether you will overcome this resistance or come grinding to a halt.
Hold your head up!! No one is as unique and talented as you. (Where did your mind go on that statement?) You are becoming a better you. If you won’t believe it, who else will? Quit bullying yourself with the BullySelf and internalizing its BS!! Quit trying to be so hard on yourself. You don’t get extra points for it. No one is impressed. You’re not going to get a Self-Discipline award for personality punishment.
When you take a look around, no one is as hard on you as you! Since you are in the best position to bring up your failures, you are also the best one to recall your strengths.
Begin today! “Lighten up” and give yourself a chance. We promise that you’re going to feel better and your new attitude will begin to make you happier! Being less hard on yourself doesn’t make you soft!
Go get ‘em champ! Your new self-dialog will bring you a whole new world and an outlook to match!
