Hello My Name Is *Your Name Here* & I Am A Bully

Bully [boo-lee]
noun

1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people

Bullying occurs when a person is exposed repeatedly to negative action or words on the part of one or more other persons. Bullying is detrimental to a person’s well-being and development. Everyone, young and old, has at one point or another been affected by bullying in some way. It seems that bullying is continually on the rise – ever reaching to near pandemic proportions. But we all know this already, right?

Self [self]
noun

1. a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

How are you victimized by bullying? Could it be possible that the biggest bully you face is NOT a family member, friend, coworker or stranger on the bus? What if the biggest bully you face is YOU?

Have you ever said something like this to yourself?

    I never get things right…

    I’m no good with money…

    I’m not smart enough…

    I don’t even know where to start…

    *Insert customized negative self-talk here*

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, you are a bully to yourself. If you sometimes feel thwarted or shut down when you want to accomplish something, it could be that your own self-talk, that dialogue between your brain and your heart, has gone from being a devil’s advocate to being a full on bully, complete with all of the pain and discouragement that goes with the beating.

Bully – habitually badgering or intimidating…Self – one’s own essential being….Bully….Self….BullySelf. “BullySelf”. That’s just “BS”!

You may be the kindest person in this entire world, but when it comes to your abilities and confidence, you are the biggest bully to yourself! You probably do it every single day, 100 times a day, without ever realizing it! So how do you know if you’re being bullied? There’s a fine line between constructive self assessment and destructive criticism that your bully is not afraid to cross! Has your bully crossed the line?

From little up, parents/teachers/mentors tell us we can be anything we dream to be. All of the self-help books and seminars echo the same sentiment – a dream, a positive attitude and a little bit of elbow grease and you’re on your way to success! Yet, so many of us are still stuck in a dead end job, unhappy in our relationships…too afraid to take a step outside of our comfort zone and make a move. Why?

We believe that the BullySelf, your Inner Bully is the cause of those failures and shortcomings. It is a front and center co-pilot unafraid to speak its mind in the command center that is that grey matter inside your head. And boy, do we ever let it run its mouth! It is all too happy to remind us of all of the times we tried something new and were not successful, happy to bring up all of the feelings and emotions associated with a rejection in school/work/dating….you name it, the BullySelf will remember.

The BullySelf has so much “dirt” on us, so much that the outside world doesn’t see and may never know, but we let it blackmail us or threaten us like our world reputation is at stake. What the BullySelf says must be true since it is all-knowing when it comes to our life history, right?

It ultimately comes down to what we choose to believe. You may have two conversations going at any given time in your head. You may say to yourself, “I have a dream/goal!” and at the very same time the BullySelf says, “You can’t do that, you have no education/good looks/money/talent!” You believe only ONE voice. And the voice you believe will determine the direction you will go.

Confront or Conform. You can confront the BullySelf or you can Conform to its preset ideas for you. You don’t let friends/family/coworkers bully you into taking your life in a direction you do not dream or want for it, so why in the world would you let a voice in your head have enough power over you to change the trajectory of your ENTIRE LIFE?!

Each time you listen to the BullySelf when it says, “You can’t do that!” you are giving it ammunition to add to its arsenal of reasons why you will always fail. You shrug your shoulders and say, even if it’s only to yourself, “You’re right”. You take no action for change and the BullySelf creates another “I told you so” file to pull for future reference next time you think it’s a good idea to try something new.

If you confront the BullySelf , if you step out of the comfort zone, take a leap of faith, knowing full well that failure may be likely or possible, you will diminish the power of that inner bully, even if only for a brief moment in time. But even just a sliver of a moment can rattle the BullySelf enough for you to step up to a new confidence.

You give yourself permission to take a first new step toward your plan of happiness and achievement. Permission to silence the BS.

Hello My Name Is *Your Name Here* & I Don’t Listen to BS!

Coming up later this week, we’ll dig deeper into understanding the Who, What, When, Where, Why & How of the BullySelf and its power!