It would be easy to say that the BullySelf comes from our “Mother” and other early influencers from our childhood. It feels convenient to hold on to the belief that someone else is to blame for all our shortcomings; that our failures and missteps were caused entirely by the conditioning we received as children.
But self-bullying does not simply come from conditioning by our parents, teachers, mentors, etc. Nor is it found as the central part of the negative self-talk/self-image… so where DOES the BullySelf have its origins?
The BullySelf uses more than words against us.
It’s not uncommon to think that negative self-talk is to blame for everything from procrastination to failed tests, low sales figures, to runner-up finishes in our endeavors. Anytime we recognize a little “negativity” in ourselves or others, we are quick to point out that we need to think positive thoughts.
It is this commonly held belief that accounts for the notion that “positive” thinking brings about positive results and “negative” thinking brings about negative results; therefore, in order to change the frequent appearance of negative results, all that would be required of us would be to change our “negative” thinking.
And to a very large degree, the simple act of reversing the polarity of thoughts has brought about some admittedly miraculous changes of outcome.
But NO …just because negative self-talk, negative attitude or negative thinking can all be found in every BullySelf encounter, these alone cannot fully describe the depth or scope of the bullying we put ourselves through; nor is it enough to simply count “cautious optimism” or positive reinforcement as the catalyst in all great outcomes.
The BullySelf is a perpetual observer.
No. IF we’re completely honest with ourselves, and IF we had the capacity to recall all the thoughts and feelings pertaining to all our life experiences, we would find both “positive” elements in our negative outcomes and find “negative” elements in our positive outcomes.
(Still no answer on WHERE the BullySelf originates.)
We at The Bully Self hold with the generally accepted line of thinking here. If we are consumed with constant negativity, we tend to recognize and associate more negative aspects of a given situation, while those that espouse and display a general feeling of positivity, tend to appear happier with and find more positive features of their circumstances whether they be ideal or lacking.
There is more to bullying ourselves than a few habits of negative thought or attitude. The BullySelf doesn’t just use words against us. It’s greatest weapon for halting our actions is to pull up powerful emotions and feelings from the past. Even though these negative attributes are most certainly present in one form or another, it is the combination of them that impedes our progress.
The bully is validated when our emotions override logic and reason.
We must remember that the BullySelf has been with us since our earliest experiences and has documented all the thoughts, feelings and emotions associated with every single one of them. It’s been around so long, it knows every aspect of our psyche – it’s a perpetual observer and it knows every nook and cranny where we might want to hide. It’s a tag-along shadow with uncanny insight into our every weakness.
It was developed in us before we had the capabilities of common sense or logic. Whether an event was tragic and made us feel fearful, was joyful with a feeling we aim to get back, or even an imaginary experience that we believed to be real, strong emotions became the building blocks that shaped the Bully’s attitudes.
Because the BullySelf is the part of us that has not matured, its response will always be overly emotional and over-reactive (much like that of a small child). The bully is blinded by a limited set of emotions, basing all of its decisions on past experiences.
The BullySelf guards the persona we show the outside world.
When we allow our emotions to override logic and reason, the bully is validated and gains strength. Each time we lose our resolve and give into those emotions, it gains another foothold.
Our self-belief, early conditioning, negative thoughts and level of confidence, etc. – are elements that make up who we are at the core. The BullySelf is there to guard and protect that entity, an that entity permeates our entire being; therefore the bully can be present in us anywhere and anytime.
If you’ve stuffed feelings of inadequacy deep inside, the BullySelf can be there in a flash to resurrect those feelings in order protect you.
We can’t hide from the BullySelf, he can wedge himself into our goals and squeeze through the tiniest cracks in our resolve. The BullySelf is our own creation. All of the thoughts and beliefs we have about ourselves have molded this “creature of the night”. It haunts our every action and every thought of every day.
The BullySelf guards the persona we want the outside world to believe is real and it takes its job very seriously! Ironically, the very thing we created to help us can often cause us the most harm. It’s our sense of self, but it’s not our core being. It’s “who we are” but it’s not WHO WE truly ARE.
Our goal here at The Bully Self is to help each other distinguish who we are at the core of our being versus who we perceive ourselves to be in the outside world, to encourage each other to grow into who we want to become and develop the skills necessary to reign in the harmful effects of bullying ourselves.
Now that we have a greater understanding of where our inner bully comes from, we will explore just WHY we are so inclined to listen to what it says and give it such power over us.
